Thursday, May 22, 2014

Survivor Cagayan Finale/Reunion Recap Haikus (5/21/14)

I'm mixing it up for the finale and reunion. A co-worker suggested a haiku might be easier. I decided it would be faster. The end product decided it would be awesome.
There are 4 categories:
  • Concise, Single Haiku Summary
  • Finale 5-Haiku Recap
  • Reunion 5-Haiku Recap
  • Next-Season-Teaser Haiku
Enjoy. Oh, and let me know if you have suggestions for what I should do for next season. Just don't be offended when I back-stab you by not going along with your ideas.

Concise, Single Haiku Summary
   Spencer ousted first
   Woo wins last immunity.
   Tony wins 8-1.

Finale 5-Haiku Recap
   Major comeback Kass
   Immunity from behind
   Spencer's time is up.

   Spencer tells Tony
   it will be a final 2.
   They will vote you out.

   A maze and puzzle
   Woo wins by a half second.
   He'll choose final 2

   Both Tony and Kass
   think Kass is the smarter choice.
   Woo values honor.

   Jury was bitter
   They chose Tony anyway
   Spencer lobbied hard

Reunion 5-Haiku Recap
   Jeff Probst asks jury:
   What if Woo takes Kass instead?
   Woo beats Kass hands down!

   Woo has no regrets.
   Tony played a better game.
   Not a sore loser

   Tony friends with Trish
   Sarah won't be friends with him.
   Trust betrayed too far

   Jeff apologized.
   Thought Spencer had zero chance
   Never been more wrong

   Tasha's one regret:
   Thinks she could have played harder
   Like a returnee

Next-Season-Teaser Haiku

   Season 29:
   Blood versus Water returns
   in San Juan del sur

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Survivor Cagayan week 12 recap poem (5/14/14)

Last week on reward, Kass, Woo, and Spencer made a pact.
They’d be final 3 and launch a Tony-idol attack.
Spencer won immunity by counting many objects.
Kass and Woo rethought things, voted Tasha. This game’s complex.

Spencer asks why Kass and Woo performed a grand charade.
Woo already has a final three, that's why Trish stayed.
Spencer says they could have told him. Nothing he could do.
Kass says it's part of the game - to often not be true.

Kass has realized that Tony's been a global jerk.
So bringing him along with her to the end might work.
To Tony, its loyalty. Everyone is on track.
He won't turn on them if they don't stab him in the back.

Spencer says it's Tony and 3 other foolish dopes.
Tony has played everyone in this game like a fiddle.
Spencer knows he's next to go, he only has one hope.
He's playing with people who understand the game so little.

In the canoe Tony asks Woo about final three.
Tony says Kass won't get votes. It's between you and me.
Woo thinks sitting with Tony in the end would be fine.
They started this game together. Finish it in kind.

Woo wants Tony to see him as someone who is loyal.
He reveals the final 3 plan that was quickly foiled.
Kass had been all for it. She said it was for the best.
Such a loyal teammate. Tony has to know he's blessed.

Tony knows that Woo is a genuine kind of guy.
It tears him apart that he'll be victim of blindside.
Woo has a shot at winning. Tony listens to his wife.
"Don't do anything stupid". Think of your family's life.

For reward, dive in a pit of mud. Cover your body.
Race to scrape it in a bucket. Carrying is naughty.
Most mud in 10 minutes wins pizza delivery.
After 34 days it could be just what you need.

Woo and Spencer work fast. Tony's arms hold mud like glue.
Kass goes face first in the mud. Kass and Woo use hair too.
Tony's bucket overflows and no one else came close.
All agree they don't need to be weighed. Tony has most.

Jeff says pizza delivered for 1 - kinda pathetic.
Tony can choose one to share with. Trish looks anorexic.
They will share a pizza party. Trish dances ecstatic.
But will this 'pecking order' reward make others frantic?

Woo's a terracotta warrior / "encino man".
Kass' hair stays in a spike like she's in some punk band.
She's glad Tony chose Trish as it shows they are attached.
Nobody should have such power. They must be detached.

Helicopter is used for pizza delivery.
Spencer says this reward is a metaphor. You see?
Tony's winning. Takes along his right hand person - Trish.
No one's bothered. Hand him the game on a silver dish.

Tony stuffs whole slices in his mouth. Trish says "slow down".
Tony confirms that he has the special idol crown.
Both of Tony's idols can only be used at five.
He intends to say one's good at four. A ruthless lie.

They agree it's easier to beat Kass than beat Woo.
Kass has ticked off everyone. She is reckless, too.
Tony wants his final three to involve Trish and Kass.
So he'll talk to Kass and hope she doesn't give him sass.

Everyone knows at immunity they must beat Spencer.
Tony tells Kass he will go to the end with Trish and her.
Though Woo told him everything in the canoe yesterday.
She went behind his back; He won't take it personally.

Kass felt he confronted her. "You shouldn't be doing that."
She thinks both Woo and Tony were stupid for sharing that chat.
Tony said it so Kass would feel more comfortable.
Swears on his wife and baby. Will that give him some pull?

Kass thinks she's been forgiven by the mafia boss.
She plans to point out Tony's a bully. More chaos.
Kass tries to confirm what Woo told Tony on the boat.
Woo denies. She tells Tony. This action struck a note.

"Why are you investigating"? That was in secrecy.
Kass came back here and blew it out. That's sheer lunacy.
Kass is unsure why she can't check up on Tony's facts.
Tony says she sealed her fate. Out goes their newborn pact.

Kass tells Woo that Tony swore on his baby and wife.
She likes paranoia, but might have caused too much strife.
Everyone can talk to Tony, but not to each other.
Tony would control all talking if he had his druthers.

Tony says that telling secrets is a different thing.
Now Tony's talking in "llama"? Goofy blathering.
He thinks perfect strategy is bring Kass to the end.
But she's an insult to this game. This he cannot mend.

Kass tells Tony, what she did was a strategic move.
Now one of your own people won't know if he's with you.
Tony's had enough. He and Trish go off on a walk.
This gives Kass a chance to sit around with Woo and talk.

Woo needed to know that Tony was playing both sides.
Kass wants Tony gone, but behind an idol he hides.
She asks if Tony swore on his baby/wife to Woo.
Woo tells her "He didn't". Spencer wonders what he'll do.

Woo thinks Tony wouldn't take him to the final 3.
Mainly because Woo has a good ‘rep’ with the jury.
Spencer feeds his paranoia, hoping he might turn.
Kass and Spencer both pitch in to help his fire burn.

If Spencer goes out then Tony and Trish will decide
who gets to the final 3. Woo forsees his blindside.
Because of the promise to Kass, Woo can't trust Tony.
Allies since day 1, but trust is down tremendously.

Kass says to vote Trish out. One less option for a goat.
Trish overheard that. She won't appreciate that vote.
Immunity is important for Kass/Spencer/Woo.
Spencer's target #1, but who is target two?

For immunity, a braided rope must be untangled.
Attached to a minor table maze where a key dangles.
Then build up a ladder from the bottom using rungs.
Just you wait, there's more to come. We’re starting to have fun.

Use planks to build a staircase and climb up to the top.
Solve the Survivor slide puzzle first - you won't be stopped.
Tony, Trish, and Kass get out ahead of Spencer/Woo.
At the ladder, Spencer seems to be stuck at rung two.

Tony starts the staircase first. Spencer completes his ladder.
Tony's at the top now. Lets see if his lead will matter.
The other 3 are stuck working on the ladder phase.
Spencer makes it to the top, completing his staircase.

Tony had a huge time advantage. Was it used wisely?
Spencer studies the puzzle. Tony moves pieces wildly.
Spencer is methodical. Tony's lead slips away.
It's a tremendous comeback. Spencer's saved another day!

Jeff barely saw it happen, Spencer solved it so fast.
Tony's worst scenario. Choose Trish, Woo, or Kass.
Tony says he could have had an hour without winning.
Never done a puzzle in his life. Now Spencer's grinning.

Trish confronts Kass about what she heard from earlier.
Kass says she was aware Trish was listening to her.
Trish points out that Kass plays both sides, then plays the victim.
Kass is an agitator, then sits there with her grin.

Trish would "rip you apart in 30 seconds, you'd be crying..."
Kass thinks Trish looks like Skeletor. Blue eyes, finger waving.
Trish is upset all because she overheard her name.
Kass thinks it got out of hand, and could cost her the game.

Tony, Trish, and Woo regroup, but Woo starts to show doubt.
Tony told the truth of what he and Kass talked about.
Now Tony will swear to Woo but it might be too late.
It won't be long before they go on their tribal date.

Tony swears on his wife, kid, mother, dead dad - his grave.
Tony, Woo, and Trish to the end. Will Tony behave?
Woo sees Tony making promises to everyone.
If Tony would save Trish over him, Woo might be done.

Time to make that big move. Woo decides to vote with Kass.
Spencer says they must do this so there's a winning chance.
They have to get rid of Trish, then Tony when at 4.
Woo and Spencer shake on final 3, if this deal soars.

Tony sees this from the bushes. No need for spy shack.
"What the hell just happened?", he thinks. New alliance crack.
Tony says it's an injustice to bring Kass to the top.
Tony may break promises if plan changes don't stop.

Tribal council time. Spencer is called a challenge beast.
Kass calls Trish a wild skeleton blue-eyed banshee.
Just like back at camp, Kass and Trish keep on arguing.
Woo says 3 brawn vs. 2 brain might be the new thing.

Now it's Tony's turn to keep on bickering with Kass.
He calls out her grin. She says its because he's an ass.
Again he speaks in llama-ese. Everyone has a smile.
Jeff's surprised at so much laughing at such a late tribal.

Woo compares them all to the worst-ever family.
He's the foreign exchange student in his analogy.
Tony pulls out both the idols from his bag of tricks.
Says it's getting heavy, so these will be in the mix.

With 5 left, he has to use the plain regular one.
Special idol will be be saved for later surprise fun.
After all the votes are cast, Tony hands one over.
These idols and Tony's wit are like a 4-leaf clover.

First 3 votes are Trish, Kass, Trish. But Kass won't receive two.
Trish is out unanimously - votes from her brawn crew.
7th jury member and the 13th voted out.
Kass flips her the bird. Animosity - no doubt.

Tony, Spencer, Kass, and Woo are in the final 4.
What will next week's 2-hour finale have in store?
Jeff says, given the history, it's anybody's game.
For this 28th season, very little has been lame.

A boat is approaching. They are standing on tall poles.
Kass is Tony's momma? Tony's crying? Such odd souls.
Woo might burn the whole place down. Will that happen? We'll see.
8pm, May 21st. Survivor Finale!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Survivor Cagayan week 11 recap poem (5/7/14)

Last week, Tony found a 2nd idol as insurance.
Spencer made him worried of an all women alliance.
They blindsided Jefra with the help of Tasha and Woo.
Kass and Trish being left in the dark now isn't new.

Kass says that Jefra is out for crossing "the don" - Tony.
She got her cement shoes and was thrown into the pond.
About the vote, Tony asks Kass and Trish if they know why.
Trish says she understands - because Jefra pondered blindside.

Kass and Tony argue whether it was the right choice.
He defends, in what Kass finds a condescending voice.
Kass knows she must play her own game, not just sit and pout.
Last time she switched sides was for her tribe leaving her out.

In the morning, Woo, Spencer, and Tony have a chat.
Tony's never nervous in his job - 3 times shot at.
Spencer starts to like him, though he lies to everyone.
Tony's dangerous. Playing harder than anyone.

Tony notes that Kass, by now, is usually awake.
She must not be feeling well. Tony doesn't sound fake.
Kass can hear her name and thinks that Tony's talking trash.
She tells Trish and Tasha she does not like being bashed.

Later Kass confronts Tony. Says she heard everything.
Woo's surprised. Tony's confused. Spencer, inside, grins.
Spencer knows its rare but Tony isn't being truthless.
But Spencer won't clear this up. Passively being ruthless.

Tony doesn't know what's wrong. Just keep voting with him.
He will take her to the end, assuming he will win.
Kass dislikes Tony's two big moves using outside forces.
She'd like to kill the cult leader with her own resources.

Tony confronts Kass on the beach. Asks if she was joking.
Says she's not. Now she's amused that Tony is imploding.
He gets almost furious that he’s accused of lying.
We know from past episodes Kass can be really trying.

Trish tells him to let it go, but Tony keeps on talking.
Kass grins at him on the beach, almost as if mocking.
Tasha knows you can’t convince Kass that it didn’t happen.
Tony says Kass’s 4-yrs-old, but she points out his tantrum.

He asks if she’d vote him out. She will write his name down.
She says to play his idol. He says she’d be going home.
“I have the special idol,” he proclaims suddenly.
He won’t show it, but repeats it very openly.

For reward they form two teams of three chosen at random.
Take turns to knock walls down with sandbags until one team’s done.
Then swap sides and one person tries to rebuild a wall.
Knock theirs down quickly - you might not have to rebuild all.

Reward is a trip to local elementary school.
They will be Survivor ambassadors of goodwill.
Bringing with them school supplies. The will be doing good.
Followed by some hot dogs and hamburgers as their food.

Tasha, Trish, and Tony take on Spencer, Kass, and Woo.
Woo’s team knocks down the wall first, with a block lead of two.
Rebuilding, it’s Tasha vs. Spencer. They work fast.
Tasha jumps out to the lead. Spencer gets help from Kass.

Tony’s helping Tasha, too, but Spencer pulls ahead.
Proof that you should not give up as long as you’re not dead.
Tasha starts to struggle. Spencer keeps putting blocks in.
Then after a few more Spencer, Kass, Woo get the win.

A mob deep of beautiful young people, proclaims Woo.
Handing supplies out from the bus, even Spencer’s moved.
He’s not a kid person, but he enjoyed this event.
Woo is energetic. It’s fantastic that he went.

Woo does tricks with basketballs, then demo’s martial arts.
Backflip, turning hook kick. He can really play a part.
He has spoken more here than the past 31 days.
Kass says she likes him more now, and hopes that he betrays.

She’d like the 3 of them and Tasha to blindside Tony.
Split their votes to flush the idol just a few days early.
Spencer’s in, even though she messed him up in the past.
There’s a common enemy whose power is too vast.

They try to convince woo, but he’s sounding hesitant.
Spencer finds it stressful because, committing - he isn’t.
Kass says he can think about it. He can decide later.
On their walk back, he says he’s in with these Tony haters.

Kass is glad he took the time to think about the scheme.
Spencer tells Tasha about their new unlikely team.
Tasha’s not sure they can trust Woo, but he is their hope.
Vote out Trish or Tony to go further down the slope.

Woo said he will not divulge the plan if Tony asks.
Tony reads people well. Will Woo be up to the task?
Woo tells Tony that voting out Tasha was discussed.
It doesn’t make sense to Tony. That’s who Spencer trusts.

He figured they’d try to get Woo to split vote 2-2.
Woo dismisses that claim while Tony’s suspicions grew.
Spencer didn’t talk of idols? That doesn’t make sense.
Tony is now hoping that Woo isn’t on the fence.

Immunity challenge time. Tasha won the last three.
One more to tie the record by Wiglesworth, Kelly. [Editor’s note: season 1 runner-up.]
Race out to count the number of items at 6 stations.
Use the numbers to open a lock with combination.

Rocks and buoys. Traps and crabs. Bamboo sticks and masks.
Try to count carefully, but be sure to do it fast.
Kass is first to try all 6, but some number(s) is wrong.
Tony, Spencer, Tasha try, but they must run along.

If the combination’s wrong, you have to go back out.
Go recount the item that causes you the most doubt.
Woo is back next. Could he be right? He is smiling.
Nope, and Trish is wrong too. All are back out recounting.

They show many attempts. People are getting frustrated.
Elapsed time - 25 minutes. Some exasperated.
Tasha recounted each station to try it once more.
Hers is wrong, then Spencer gets the immunity score!

Boys will vote for Tony while Trish gets votes from the girls.
If no special idol is played, this plan can unfurl.
Woo shakes hands with Tasha and Spencer. He seems on board.
Tasha acts like she is going home. Tony is floored.

Tony doesn’t buy it. Every week she talks and scrambles.
Makes no sense that she’s given up. She’s too comfortable.
Tony may play his idol so he won’t have to squirm.
Does he have the special idol? Won’t deny or confirm.

Tasha tells Kass: Tony’s their version of Russell Hantz.
Kass knows he’s not likeable. Now she might change her plans.
Tony might make it to the end, thinking he’s a god.
May not get votes if the jury feels he is a sod.

Kass confers with Woo - she loves to make her own decisions.
Stay the course or take out Tasha. Strategy revision?
Woo is taken aback. This game comes down to mere moments.
Leaving soon for tribal and a new strategy ferments.

Now at tribal, Tasha directs attention to Tony.
Tony says that Tasha’s lack of scrambling seemed phony.
Tony thinks his alliance is honest, tight, and loyal.
It’s how they’ve been all along. I bet jury blood boiled.

Jeff notes this would be the ideal time for idol flushing.
Kass and Woo agree. Next vote, that power could be crushing.
Spencer notes, after each blindside, Tony scoops up troops.
We’ll see what’s in his bag of tricks unless he trusts his group.

Woo says that they all agreed and that will be the vote.
Tony hopes the 4 stay strong. Don’t abandon the boat.
Kass says it is fun to fantasize about endgame.
Tasha would be happy to stay, even in the rain.

We see Tasha, Spencer, and Tony vote as expected.
Other votes stay hidden, so did Woo vote as directed?
The votes are read: Tasha, Tony, Trish - but there’s no worry.
Tasha’s voted out 12th. 7th member of the jury.

Jeff says, of this group, it seems Spencer’s on the outside.
Might not be that bad on this unpredictable ride.
Kass and Woo, they chose to stick with Tony down to five.
Next week we may see an idol keep someone alive.

The preview shows Kass and Tony argue about secrets.
He wants nothing to do with her. Sounds like he has regrets.
Trish has heated words for Kass. Don’t want to argue with her.
“going to win at everything”? “You’re not”. “I got news for you sister”.